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Dealing With Rejection

There are Many Different Types of Rejection
         Many people feel really bad when they are not selected for a job. However, the experience of a being rejected is not the end of the world. It is an opportunity to reflect on your qualifications and the requirements for the job. This becomes more complicated if fired from a job and performance reviews did not serve as a "red flag". Usually when down sizing occurs there are rumors of impending job down sizing. Sometime in romantic relationships they end without any warning while others there are observable signs of the impending ending. Even a death can feel like a rejection, especially if the cause is a terminal illness or suicide.

Different Types of Rejections Have Different Meaning
        Rejection is an unavoidable part of our life and strikes fear into everyone at least once in their life. The way we deal with rejection tells an important story about how we deal with issues and our ability to uphold our self-respect and dignity. A natural reaction to rejection is to feel diminished, unloved, worthless, insecure and insignificant. When we are rejected, our dark side may want to  innate a retaliatory strike to inflict a similar hurt.

       Internalizing rejection can be very destructive, especially if it becomes inseparable from a person's belief system. Acquiring the knowledge on how to handle rejection can provide the tools to help us overcome the feelings of: worthless, lack of self-esteem, and destructive/unhealthy relationships in business, social, and marriages.

       A major reason some people, when experiencing rejection, have a problem with their failure is that they do not know an acceptable way to deal with the rejection. Two different people can experience a similar outcome, yet one views the incidence as negative and feels bad, yet another person uses their experience in a positive way and is able to move on!

       There are many causes for rejection. There are corrective actions that can be taken to reduce the chances of a future rejection from occurring.

Dealing with Rejection in a Relationship
       Rejections hurt for a number of reasons:
  • Not being sure of yourself: If you lose out on a job, it might be because your skills were not as strong as other applicants. Rejections in personal relationships rarely are mutually shared. Usually one person plays the "blame game" because he/she feels the experience as extremely negative. This can quickly cascade out of control causing them to have serious self doubts about continuing the relationship.
  • Helplessness: Rejections can occur when one person is too helpless, clinging, or emotional dependent. The best ways to deal with this type of rejection is to learn how to become more independent and less helpless even it it requires professional counseling.
  • Emotional wounds: If a person is thinks that he/she is unattractive then they will attribute each rejection to their looks. In order to deal with this type of rejection, it is necessary to repair your emotional wounds.  In many cases the perception of being unattractive can be cured by a new hair style, fitted clothing, makeup advice for girls, medical treatment for acne, rhinoplasty surgery, and/or enrolling in ballroom dance classes, etc..
Dealing with rejection in a nonromantic relationship
       Men and women will often find it necessary to work together in small collaborative groups to accomplish a mutual goal. It is preferable that these individuals not develop a romantic relationship with others that they must associate with on a daily basis at school, job, or sport.

       Sometimes there physical, skill, or interest related differences that develop over a period of time. This can cause a decision for a relationship to dissolve with mutual agreement so all parties retain their respect and remain friends. For example, often a young skating team that works well will experience growth differences in height and weight during puberty that makes it very difficult to continue the partnership. Sometimes the abilities of the two young athletes no longer match and it become obvious that dissolving the partnership is necessary to be successful in a highly competitive sports environment.

       The first thing you must do to deal with a relationship rejection is to make sure that your self esteem and your emotions do not create bad feelings. You must learn to deal with problem before you can move on and begin improving your self esteem.

Dealing with a job related rejection
       Whether you are trying to find a job, a skating partner, or trying to make the cut for a hockey or synchronized figure skating team, experiencing rejection is part of the processes, especially when more individuals compete for a relativity few positions are available. Not meeting the cut is always a possibility. This should not be taken as a failure, but an analysis of your strengths and areas requiring improvement. Unfortunately too many individuals are devastated by any and all comments that are not positive. How a person views not making a team, can be tempered if the are provided with an alternative team where they can strength their skills and gain experience of participating on a team.

       Every season coaches are faced with making these decisions. Teachers make subjective and objective decisions when they grade research projects and essays. They use a grading protocol described as a "Bell Curve". Coaches of team sports want to select the best athletes each season to improve the prospects of success. Every competition is held for the purpose of selecting the best performance. Placements should not be viewed as being "rejected" by those athletes or teams not placing first or winning a game.

       Some individuals respond with extremes of either great joy or a deep depression depending if they win or lose. Those on the loosing end of a competition feel emotional rejected. This rejection can range from a rather normal temporary emotional experience or be systematic of a prolonged condition requiring a treatment of medication and professional counseling.

       In the study of psychology, Social rejection is a situation between two or more people deliberately exclude an individual from their social/peer group relationship.  Rejection can take the form of either being:

  • Active - Caused by bullying, teasing, or ridiculing, or
  • Passive - Caused by ignoring or giving a person the "silent treatment."

       For the recipient of being rejected, the experience can be subjective or it can be perceived by the recipient even when feeling of being rejected has no basis in fact.

       There are many reasons for being rejected:

  • Rejection is a normal part of a process: Individuals rarely become successful without facing numerous situations in which rejections are part of process in hiring for a job, preparing for a career promotion, job change for advancement in business.
  • Rejection doesn't mean that you are unworthy, just that you don't meet the criteria: There is a likelihood that someone will always have superior qualifications so learn to feature other strengths such as time and project management, working well in group situations requiring collaboration, etc.
  • Rejection is a part of the learning process: Each time you are rejection could be a wake up signal that you need to change something about your approach. If each time you are rejected, you should take away a lesson of what to do to become a success.
        At some level of human interaction, rejection is an inevitable part of life. A key ingredient of getting over being rejected is to develop an improved and positive image of yourself.

Recommended Reading:

Dealing with Rejection Part 1: Handling Others' Rejecting ...   July 20, 2011 ... How to respond when other people are rejecting or disinterested. By Jeremy Nicholson, M.S.W., Ph.D.

How to deal with rejection in relationship  It's no use hiding in your bed or behind a big bottle of wine. You're bound to feel a great deal of pain and it's good to embrace it. Rejection hurts but you need to face it to fix it and move on.

Rejection - How To Deal With It In 5 Fresh Ways  April 5, 2010  Rejection plays an important and fundamental ingredient to success. Read how to deal with it in 5 easy steps.

Summation: Dealing with rejection is a core competency   Feb. 5, 2011 ... The number one reason most people don't do interesting things is that they are afraid of rejection.

Coping With Rejection  Tips For Coping With Rejection.

  • Peer Relations in Middle Childhood | In middle childhood, 30% of a child's social interactions involve peers groups that are segregated by sex, although socially unskilled children who are rejected by their peers on a school playground based on a lack of skills.
  • Kids with Poor Athletics Skills are often Reject by Their Peers Kids who with poor athletic skills are often isolated and suffer social rejection at school. Children who are lonely and isolated are at higher risk of becoming depressed, using drugs, and dropping out of school.  Researchers at the University of Alberta in Edmonton, Canada, looked at how athletic ability and social acceptance were connected in school settings. Kids who aren't considered athletic by their peers can find themselves isolated from their peers. They often suffer social rejection at the hands of their peers because they do not have athletic abilities.

The following internet links have been gleaned from personal communications
combined with information from public institutions and athletic organizations/
associations that have a web presence with information concerning team and
individual sports programs:

Healthy Relationships

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